All of Me
by chrmd1
Summary: Max did leave in season 2 and Liz has fallen into a deap depression, probably a one shot thing. I realized that I didn't put Liz's journal entry in bold like I had planned and that made the layout make no scence so I changed it sorry!


Title: All of Me

Disclaimer: I still don't own Roswell :( I also don't own the lyrics to My Immortal, they belong to Evanescence one of my favorite bands you all should go buy their CD!

Summery: Max left with Tess in Season 2 and Liz has gone into a deep depression. Probably just gonna be a one shot thing unless I get some weird inspiration to continue.

A/N: All righty this is just a thing I wrote while I was sick. I was going to write another chapter to Truly, Madly, Deeply but I was in a depressed mood and this is all I felt up to writing. Be grateful I wrote anything at all LOL. But I'll try to get another chapter of T.M.D up once I get rid of this stupid cold! Sorry for any sickness induced misspellings. Also everything that is in bold is what she's writing in her journal, everything in italics is lyrics, and everything else she is either thinking or talking but of course when she is speaking it will be in "quotation marks". Okay enough with me babbling on with the show!

**Two weeks eight hours and roughly sixteen minutes sense he left me. When we started this relationship I knew that he might have to go back to his planet someday but I never expected for it to be so soon. But now that I think about it, it might not be the fact that he left me that hurts the most it's the fact that he left me to go home with her. It makes everything a little easier to blame her for it and to never think about how he left willingly. **

**I hate the fact that everyone seems to know exactly what I'm going through. I'm sick of all of the sympathetic glances, and the "I'm so sorry's" and the "I know you and Max were close's". The truth is that none of them even know the half of it; they all think that he's dead. None of them know that he left me for another woman, one that murdered Alex. They don't know that every night I dream of him only to wake up and realize that he is living happily on another planet with the one he is destined to be with, while I suffer. So it just rips me in half for them to all say that they know what I'm going through, about the pain that I have inside while they remain blissfully ignorant of the torture that I am constantly going through. **

**The first couple of days I tried to make everything seem all right. I kept saying things to myself like "He loves me, he could never leave me forever, he'll come back to Me." or "Now I'm out of the "I know an alien club" I can finally get my normal life back again!" I can no longer live in denial about what really happened. He never loved me. He was always waiting for her I was just some toy that he could play with while he was looking for his predestined wife. I know now that I can't have my old normal life back, nor do want it. The only thing I want is also the thing that has destroyed my life. I know now that I will never be truly happy again without him even though I know he's a jerk that left me.**

**Every day I wake up to "I Shall Believe" thus starting my day off by crying but I still can't bear to change the song. I make my way through the school day with a smile on my face presenting to be interested in my surroundings while I'm really on autopilot. Maria of course knows that I'm not all right, that I'll never be all right but she doesn't know how I feel wither Michael stayed for her. He loved her, he never believed in that destiny stuff. It's ironic how I'm now idealizing Michael and Maria's relationship when Max and I always seemed like the couple that could go the distance. We were the ones that every one saw as the perfect love. That I myself saw as the perfect love.**

"Why did he have to leave me?" With that question repeating itself over and over in her head she felt the now all too familiar feelings of hate, love, and anger wash over her yet again. Her alien powers had been developing more quickly now that she had all of these emotions constantly running their course through her veins and her always repressing them. Suddenly her radio turned on to the only song that she had been able to listen to lately besides "I Shall Believe", her shades were drawn, and her lights turned off submitting her to complete darkness. She used her semi-uncontrollable powers to light a few candles and flopped down onto her mattress in a defeated manner.

_I'm so tired of being here_

_Suppressed by all my childish fears_

_And if you have to leave I wish you would just leave_

_Because you presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone_

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of you fears_

_I held you hand through all of these years but you_

_Still have_

_All of me_

He did, he always would have all of her. As she had once said herself, everyone else would always seem second best to Max Evens. Who could honestly compare to a tall, dark, handsome, alien king that could either save you or kill you with a wave of his hand? With this thought in her head she took out the whiskey bottle from under her bed. She took a swig, as the now familiar sensation hit her she grimaced just like she always did. I wonder if he ever thinks of me. If ever is lying in bed at two in the morning wide awake and wishes that he had never left me. If he ever wonders how I'm dealing with the fact that he deserted me for that little blonde, big boobed, bimbo. She took another swig of her whiskey. After several drinks later her mind was working a little slower but she still couldn't stop thinking about him. I wonder how his precious little son is. Will Max ever tell him "Congratulations son, you are the result of something stupid I did when I was a kid that ended up with me leaving the only one that completely loved me! She took another drink.

I can't do this anymore! I can't take it! How much pain is one person able to go through all alone? I've gone through my fair share! LEAVE ME ALONE! She walked into the bathroom and picked up a razor. Death must be better than this. No more pain over Max, no more school trouble, and I'll get to see Alex again. With that she put the razor to her wrist and pressed until she felt the warm trickle of blood going steadily down her arm. She looked at it and smiled for real, the first real smile she had, had for a long time. She heard faintly in the background:

You used to captivate me

By you resonating light

But now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

Your voice it chased away all of the sanity in me

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you scream I'd fight away all of you fears

I've tried so heard to tell me self that you gone

And though you're still with me

I've been alone all along

A/B: All right that was it. I know kinda short, but I figured it was a good stopping spot. Liz isn't dead yet incase I decide to write a sequel or if I want to add another chapter, but if I don't I can just end it there forever so everyone that reads it can just assume that she dies. Please review that's always appreciated. Sorry to the Liz lovers if I don't write more or if I do and don't save her. I know I'm one of you. :) Love ya, I'll write more when I'm healed.

Hopefully I'll get to go to church tomorrow.


End file.
